So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
