Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
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I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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