and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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