I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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