Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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