Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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