my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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