yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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