Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
