We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.