Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
