My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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