I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
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No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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