So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
