Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
