I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
