when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
