Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
