I think I won the penis lottery.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
