i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
