Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
