It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
