I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
