Walk of Shame. In a state park.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
