I met the friendliest cop last night
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
