i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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