Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
