sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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