I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
love makes seman taste better
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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