From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
