tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
