I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
