awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
