Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
