I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
