Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
