if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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