she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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