Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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