I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
