if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
