Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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