i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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