I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
