you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
