Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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