I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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