a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
