Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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