So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
