i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
