every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
