STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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