My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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