i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
