I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
that may or may not have been my penis.
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