oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
