i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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