maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
