I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
