toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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