Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Randomize
