Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
