don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
